What to message a girl on Instagram

You can build up a playful vibe with her where you basically set this frame: “You are imperfect, but I still like you.” You want to establish this vibe with her because playful back-and-forth teasing is the foundation for establishing a sexual vibe with her later.

You also want to make her feel like you are somebody who’s fun to hang out with and who can make her laugh throughout the day.

Engage her

Instagram is the best system to create consistent and powerful engagement with women. You can engage her in several ways: with messages, photos, comments, video chat, and stories. You want to use different channels to build up attraction because this is the most effective way.

Make her trust you

A girl needs to feel safe with you before she invests in a relationship or goes out with you on a date. If there’s no comfort, there won’t be a romantic interest. Therefore sooner or later, her attraction will disappear. A girl can only feel constant desire for a guy when she feels safe and secure with him.

Show your vulnerable side. Many guys are doing great when it comes to displaying confidence and success. But women need to feel that you’re a human being who makes mistakes, has imperfections, and can admit them.

Ask her out at the right time

After you built up attraction with DM texts and your appealing Instagram profile, it’s time to ask her out. The key is dominance and decisiveness. 

When you’re on track and get the vibe with her, wait for an emotional high and ask her out. A girl is at her emotional high when she sends a lot of emojis, texts a lot, asks many questions, and overall is interested in you.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that you want to invite her to do something fun. Many girls will only go out with you if the two hours she is spending with you is more fun than if she would have done something else instead.

She needs to be confident that the time will be better spent with you than her other options.

Shoot her a message like this one:

“What’s you schedule for tomorrow evening? If you’re free, you can have a drink at XY bar with a ridiculously funny and handsome guy (Me).”

If you built up her attraction and she trusts you, you have very high chances that she will agree to a date with you.

Optimize your profile

The best thing about Instagram is that if you have a dope profile, you don’t need to text all day, every day with girls. Your profile does the job for you.

Girls are more receptive to your messages and more eager to go out with you on a date if you have an appealing Instagram profile. Again, you can be the funniest guy on the planet; if you have five shitty photos on your profile, there are very low chances that she’ll date you.

“The more attractive your Instagram profile, the less work you have to put into the conversations.”

That’s why Instagram is very effective when it comes to dating. You have all control of your Instagram profile to create an appealing life story that will get you many dates. Your Instagram profile’s goal is to maximize your attraction. These are the most significant benefits of a well-designed Instagram profile:

Want to know how to DM a girl? With the right steps, you can learn how to slide into a girl’s DMs, and get anyone on the globe to flirt back with you!

In the era of social media, it’s crucial to learn how to DM a girl. That is, if you want to build an actual connection with her and grab her interest. And thank heavens for social media! Now, you can contact a crush without embarrassment. All you need to learn are a few important details, and you’d know how to slide into a girl’s DMs and meet her in real life too!

What did we do before the days of social media? Think about it, it’s terrifying! These days, for a dude, figuring out how to slide into a girl’s DMs can be a breeze if you know the right words. Learning how to DM a girl before social media?! It really wasn’t easy irrespective of your gender.

We had to talk to the person, find out if they liked us, gauge it, and if we thought there was a chance of something more, we would ask them out. They could say no, and if they did, it was mortifying.

Put simply, social media might have its haters, and even for lovers it has its downsides, but as far as helping shy types hook up is concerned, it’s a game-changer!

[Read: How not to be shy – 14 steps to finally come out of your shell]

No need to talk, and if they don’t reply or they say no, you simply avoid them for the duration of that month at least. Then it’s forgotten. Easy!

Of course, learning how to slide into a girl’s DMs needs a little background information and a plan as well. You can’t just go sliding your way into anyone’s inbox and say whatever you want.

Firstly, it’s creepy, and secondly, girls want to feel like you’ve actually put some effort into this!

[Read: How to stalk someone on social media and find everything you’re looking for]

What does sliding into a girl’s DMs really mean?

If you’ve no idea what we’re talking about, perhaps we should clear this up before we go ahead. What is sliding into a girl’s DMs? No, it is nothing sordid, it basically means sending a girl a personal message *direct message* via their social media channel. This works best on Instagram, but Facebook is a strong contender as well.

Basically, you direct message *DM* a girl on a social media platform, and you’re initiating contact and that first conversation with her.

Just so you know, if you know the girl in person already, you don’t call that sliding into a girl’s DMs. That would just be a continuation of a conversation from real life. No, the term ‘slide into a DM’ really means the first message to someone you don’t know well, or someone you haven’t met before, but you like.

From there, you hope that you will get to know them better, with more messages back and forth.

How to DM a girl and get her texting back

Social media certainly wasn’t invented for this type of indirect dating technique, but it’s a pleasant side effect. We can contact anyone, unless they’ve blocked us, and they then decide whether to reply, or not bother. When you try and message a girl, always remember that the chances of failure does exist. But with the right steps, you can up your chances of success by a huge margin.

But all said and done, if you don’t try, you’ll never know!

So, by reading this, you want to know not only how to DM a girl, but you also want to know how to do it in the most successful way, in order to receive a reply. No reply means a waste of time, right? [Read: Being left on read – What it really means when they don’t text back]

The first DM and why it’s so important

If you want to know how to DM a girl the right way, then you should say something sincere without coming across as corny. Be charming enough to get her to take you seriously.

And if you get this part wrong, you can ruin your chances with her entirely. Much like online dating, your first DM to a girl can be the maker or the breaker. If you say something that doesn’t catch her eye, chances are, she’ll just take a quick look at your DM, and ignore it for the rest of ever!

And no, you don’t get a second chance. That is why taking steps to get that first DM right is extremely critical. [Read: What to text a girl you met to ensure she texts you back]

How to slide into a girl’s DMs and get her to DM you back

If you want to know how to DM a girl the right way, and slide right into a conversation with her, bear these points in mind when composing your message.

1. Be original when you DM a girl

We have lost count of the number of random messages we’ve received which simply say something like ‘hi’, or ‘how are you?’.

Seriously guys, be original! Put some thought into it!

Girls are not likely to reply to someone who couldn’t even be bothered to come up with something interesting to say! [Read: What to say to a girl you like while talking to her]

Also, don’t go straight in there with a borderline aggressive sexual flirting technique. ‘Hey, your legs look sexy in your pic *heart eyes emoji*’ is not something we want to hear from a random stranger. It’s certainly not something we’re going to reply to.

Block maybe, but not reply!

Instead, think of something nobody else will have thought of. How about a question, something about the world or the universe! It sounds ridiculous but think about it on the flip-side. If someone sent you a message saying ‘hey, I saw your photo and I was wondering, how do you feel about pineapple on pizzas? Can you settle this debate for me?’ you’d laugh and think about it for a second, right? Of course, you would!

Come up with something original yet funny for the highest chances of a reply. [Read: How to get a girl to reply back to you without being overly annoying]

2. Is she popular on Instagram?

How many followers does she have on Instagram? We don’t want to sound negative, but if she has thousands of followers, the chances of her replying are slim. Of course, it’s not impossible, but can you imagine how many messages she must receive daily? Play the texting odds game and know when it’s best to try and when it’s best to save your texting breath.

Of course, then again, even if she does have 100K followers, she WILL scroll through her DMs to have a laugh now and then when she’s idle and bored. And if you do seem really interesting, there is a good chance she may DM you back. So give it a shot, but be prepared to be shot down as well.

3. Follow her or interact with her profile

When a girl receives a DM from a guy, and she sees that he’s not even following her, chances are, she’ll know you’re probably sending the same DM to a hundred different girls in the hope of sliding into some random girl’s DM.

So if you want to be genuine, take your time. Follow her, and like a couple of posts over time as she puts up new photos and you come across them on your feed.

Want to take it one step further? Drop a comment on her most recent post when it comes up on your feed. Doing these things makes you appear like you’re genuinely interested in her.

What’s the easiest way to slide into her DMs while appearing like you genuinely find her interesting? Interact with her stories. It’s easy to react to stories on Instagram, and it’s less creepy than sending a DM out of the blue. [Read: How to comment on a girl’s picture on Instagram and get a response from her]

4. How does your profile page look?

When someone likes your photo or DMs you, what’s one of the first things you do? You click on their icon and take a look at their profile page to get to know them better. Curiosity, right?

If you want to slide into a girl’s DMs, what makes you think she won’t do the same thing?

Each time you DM a girl *almost always unless she gets hundreds or thousands of DMs every day*, you need to realize that she will take a look at your profile and gauge you. So before you send a DM to a girl, make sure your page reflects who you are as a person.

Just as you’d dress up better in real life on a date, or post your best pictures on a dating site, Instagram should be no different. [Read: How to describe yourself online – The 30 best and worst words]

5. Appear interesting before trying to slide into a girl’s DMs

Just like a speed date, the girl you DM will probably spend a few seconds *hopefully way more!* to take a quick glance at your profile before she decides if you’re a nice guy or a creepy one!

So make sure your Insta profile *or Facebook* is a good one. If you intend to use Instagram to find someone to date or hook up with, you can’t treat it like a joke. You can’t overload it with memes, stupid blurry photos, or other nonsense that would turn any woman away from your page. If you want to use Instagram as a dating field, treat it like one.

Make sure your page has enough pictures of you *where your face is clearly visible*. Along with that, you need to ensure that your personality and lifestyle stand out in your bio and the posts you put up.

If your profile seems interesting at first glance, you’ve already upped your chances of getting a DM back from the girl you like! [Read: How to appear more attractive – 31 tips to play up your best features]

6. Don’t go with emoji overload or memes!

Emojis, memes, gifs, and all the other Internet-based animated pictures you come across can be saved for when you’re actually having a two-way conversation and you’re getting to know one other.

Using far too many emojis makes you look immature. No girl would want to have to decipher a message through the visual art of images! A smiley face on the end, fine. An aubergine and a peach on a first message – not fine.

Oh and guys, please, no dick pics, seriously. These will not only get you blocked but might even get you reported. Save it for an in-person performance when you’re both on the same page, perhaps. [Read: Dick selfies and why men love sharing them with unknown women]

7. Pick a conversation she’d be excited to talk about!

We’re not suggesting you stalk her social media pages to figure out what she’s into, but a quick background reading won’t hurt.

This means when you draft that first message, you can use something she’s interested in and use it in your favor to get a DM back from her.

What works best are pictures from a vacation. Everyone loves talking about vacations! Your first DM could be something like “Hey I see you like the Maldives too! Did you get to see the dolphins while snorkeling?”

You could use a vacation spot, a movie, a book, or just about anything else that she’d be eager to talk about with anyone. That grabs her interest and starts a conversation.

Clever, huh? [Read: How to start a conversation on Snapchat and subtly flirt your way in]

8. Draft your message before you send it

Of course, not every girl is a member of the grammar police, but trust us, many are! For some girls, if they receive a message full of spelling mistakes and dodgy grammar, they won’t be feeling the love. They may just roll their eyes, and block or ignore you forever!

Draft your message on your notes app before you send it, and then just copy and paste it over. This will let you read it properly, without the risk of hitting ‘send’ by accident.

9. Choose your time of day carefully

If you want to know how to slide into a girl’s DMs and grab her attention, remember to pay attention to when you’re sending the text.

The timing of a guy’s message can say a lot. For instance, sending a message late at night means you’ve either got nothing better to do than sit scrolling through social media finding girls to message, or you’re looking for a late-night hook up.

Similarly, if you send it around noon, it might get swallowed up with the other messages she receives from friends and other contacts. Or she may be busy working. Then, it might not get seen as quickly as you’d like.

So, when is the best time? Mornings are good, but early evenings are even better. [Read: Texting etiquette – 20 unwritten rules of savvy flirting]

10. Be cool with not receiving a message immediately, or at all

If you don’t get a reply within an hour or even a day or so, do not, we repeat, do not, send another double text! Leave it alone!

If she isn’t replying, it is for one of three reasons. Either she doesn’t want to because she’s not interested, or she’s busy and she’ll reply later, or she hasn’t seen your DM yet.

If it’s the first reason, there’s nothing you can do about it, and you have to let it go. If it’s for the second or third reason, just wait and your phone will beep when it is ready!

There is nothing worse than a guy who is overly persistent. There is a fine line between admirable persistence and stalker-ish tendencies.

Draft your message, read it over to check it, and send it. Once it’s gone, do your best to forget about it, stay busy, and don’t be tempted to keep checking your inbox. You’ll drive yourself crazy. If you send more than one message, you’ll also look like you’re trying too hard, and not in a good way. [Read: Texting anxiety – How to send & receive texts without freaking out]

11. Don’t go liking all her photos

If her profile is public or you’re friends already, don’t go around liking every photo whilst waiting for a reply. In theory, it’s a smart idea to like several of her pictures to flood her notifications and grab her attention. But in reality, you look thirstier than a very thirsty person!

It literally looks like you’ve messaged them and you’re already dating. In reality, you’ve sent her a DM and she hasn’t even replied yet. See how sad that sounds? Sure, look at her photos if you must, and if you can’t help yourself, like one of her most recent posts so you pop up in her notifications. But that’s about it!

12. Don’t be upset if it doesn’t work out

We don’t want to be negative, but we do want to mention one point while sliding in a girl’s DMs.

If she doesn’t reply, don’t be upset about it.

Maybe you’re not her type, your profile isn’t interesting enough for her, she has a boyfriend, or she was just too busy to care and you caught her on the wrong day.

You tried and that shows bravery! Don’t give up, and use that confidence to try again with someone else. At least you don’t have any regrets and you’re not wondering “what if.” [Read: How to respond to a rejection and do the right thing even if it hurts]

13. Suggest a meet-up

Assuming she replies to your message *let’s have faith that she will* then don’t keep the conversation solely on social media for more than a couple of days. There is nothing worse than a constant text chain that never goes anywhere!

Be the brave one, exchange phone numbers or suggest a meet-up, but do it in a casual way. Suggesting a coffee in the daytime is a safe bet and it shows that you don’t have creepy intentions in mind.

The idea sounds simple, but it’s astonishing just how many guys do wrong with these basic steps. Seriously, it’s actually this simple! If you’ve come this far, that’s really great!

Now use this guide on how to ask a girl to meet you over text or social media and make sure you use the 7 steps to warm her up to meet you in no time.

The don’ts you just can’t ignore when you DM a girl on Instagram

Whether it is LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, or Snapchat, your message should be targeted and not pushy. Girls are constantly inundated with friendship requests and DMs from guys they don’t know.

Some things you do would rouse her interest in you and other things would turn her off or make her want to block you. Knowing the difference between the two is the key to not blowing your one and only shot and DMing a girl and getting it right on the first try!

Now that you know how to DM a girl, here are a few don’ts you should never ever ignore!

1. Don’t be creepy

Don’t say anything that is within the realm of creepy. Things that come across as creepy are things that make her uncomfortable like commenting on something about her sexual appearance or saying something that indicates that maybe you have a screw loose.

If you have been lusting after her, it is best not to let that cat out of the bag.

If you want to learn how to DM a girl, you must not be creepy. Unless you want to turn her off and force her to block or mute you, that is. Keep it light and don’t say anything that scares her off or makes her feel like she has to block you for her own protection. [Read: 10 types of creepy guys all girls avoid talking to]

2. Don’t sound like a stalker

Don’t say things about what you already know about her. The key to DMing a girl is to make it sound matter of fact, not like you know everything about her already. That just screams stalker.

Don’t make it obvious you’ve made a habit of stalking her beyond Instagram or that you’ve googled everything about her already; no girl wants to know that! Be subtle and be approachable.

No matter what you know about her already, pretend you know nothing and just saw her and thought you would say “hi” because you found her interesting. [Read: How to tell a girl you like her and not come across creepy]

3. Don’t be too eager

A girl likes a guy who finds her attractive, but she also likes a little bit of a mystery and a challenge too. If you want her to want to DM you back, then you can’t be too eager and make it sound like you are desperate to connect with her.

Leave a little mystery behind to make her curious about you. Once you guys start texting each other, keep it surface-level like saying, “Hey, what do you think about meeting out?” instead of “I really, really want to meet you out… please.”

4. Don’t be sexual up front

It is okay to totally want to get in her pants, we know you do, but keep it to yourself at first. You make girls uneasy when you start talking about sexual things too early. It isn’t that we don’t want you to aDMire our assets, we just don’t want you to talk about them as an introduction to us.

If you like the shape of her ass, keep that to your internal voice and say something nonsexual to begin. She might feel offended or objectified when all you see is her body *no matter how attractive she might be*.

Keep the sexual innuendos out the window, or at least until you get to know each other better. [Read: 18 casual things to text a girl and leave her addicted to you]

5. Don’t be too serious

When you DM a girl, keep it funny and witty. No girl wants to be hit with something super serious. That means you should think of something unique and funny instead of something serious and grave. Trust us on this – girls love funny guys!

So if you want to learn how to slide into a girl’s DM on Instagram, make her laugh, and have a lively personality. A fine line to walk, you don’t want to make it cheesy and pick up liney, rather just something smart and witty to make her smile a little and want to respond to you. [Read: How to be a fun texter & make them laugh while reading your texts]

6. Don’t put it all out there

A girl doesn’t want to read an entire paragraph from a guy who is interested. She wants a one-liner that she reads quickly and responds to. If you give too many details or too much information, she’d think you are too much work and might not want to put that much effort into someone she doesn’t know.

You just can’t put it all out there, but send an easy and light-hearted direct message instead. In other words, get to the point! If you like her a lot, then don’t say it in a thousand-word essay.

Say something short, sweet, and direct. Leave all the long and cheesy paragraphs on your first date but until then, keep your DMs short. [Read: 50 flirty text messages that are sure to make her smile]

7. Don’t leave it so that she isn’t compelled to answer

If you leave her a message that isn’t in the form of a question or something that she wants to retort back to, then you aren’t giving her an incentive to answer. She could leave it seen without a reply because she doesn’t know how to answer you or doesn’t know that you are looking for one.

When you DM a girl, make sure it is something that requires her to answer if she is interested in texting back. That might mean asking her a question or saying something thought-provoking that interests her into putting in her two cents.

It has to be engaging; otherwise, it’ll be easy to ignore your DM. [Read: How to keep a conversation going with the opposite sex]

8. Don’t reach out more than once unless she answers back

Just like in texting, calling, or any other form of communication, if she doesn’t answer you, then don’t wrongly assume that she just didn’t get it. Once you send the DM, sit back and wait for her to answer. If she doesn’t answer, then it won’t make her more interested if you continue to reach out. Double texts will just make her roll her eyes instead!

This is similar to the rules in texting where you shouldn’t double text her, nor should you flood her phone with Instagram notifications. This will put her off immediately! It only leaves her with a creepy feel, and you are bound to get blocked. [Read: Double texting and second texts: 10 basic rules to play it cool]

9. Don’t play games

If you DM a girl and she answers you straight away, don’t be a dick and wait to answer her back. If you are lucky enough to get her to answer your message promptly, then you should be courteous enough to return the favor. If you want to learn how to DM a girl, stop with the mind games and reverse psychology.

You won’t grab her attention that way. All it will do is backfire on your efforts. There is nothing attractive about a guy who sends you a message then starts playing games right off the bat. It feels like a slap in the face. [Read: How often should you text a girl? 17 overlooked rules of texting]

10. Don’t be random but wait for the opportunity

When you want to know how to DM a girl, you need to wait for the right opportunity. If you watch her feed, then look for a picture that you can comment on or something that she posts that you can compliment her on. You don’t need to drop an emoji in every single one of her posts!

But if you think you have anything funny or witty to comment beyond just a “you look hot! *insert emoji*” compliment, wait for the right post.

And immediately after commenting on her picture, send her a DM. It seems more genuine and spontaneous, even if you’ve been planning this move for a week!

11. Don’t be political, religious, or send any other conflict-provoking messages

Keep it non-political, and avoid religion or any other subjects of conversation that turn her off right off the bat. If you want to learn how to DM a girl, stick to light and easy topics. You don’t want to throw her off by getting into a political debate that she wasn’t anticipating from you. [Read: 8 ways to be less critical of the people around you]

12. Don’t be insecure

When you send a DM, make sure you show your confident *not your cocky* side. It’s okay to let her know that you think she’s attractive, but make sure that she knows you are desirable as well. A trickier thing, don’t be a dick or conceited, but self-deprecation is not attractive right upfront.

Find the balance between confidence and ego. Remember, being arrogant isn’t a good look on any guy! It’s one of the fastest ways to turn a girl off immediately, even if it’s just on Instagram. [Read: 13 traits of insecure men that make girls run the other way]

13. Don’t give her your resume

The biggest tip when it comes to knowing how to DM a girl is to keep it short. She doesn’t want a list of your accomplishments. You aren’t interviewing for a job.

You just try to convince a girl to think you are worth communicating with or potentially even getting to know. You don’t need to provide her with an essay of your background, skills, and talents. Just be yourself, and that should be enough. After all, she will take a look at your profile page and find out everything about you anyway! [Read: Social media and relationships: The good, the bad, & the ugly]

14. Don’t ignore her stories

If there’s anything Instagram is known for, it’s their story feature. If you want to learn how to DM a girl on Instagram, respond to her story. Obviously, don’t do it in a creepy and stalker way. Be smooth and subtle with your approach. This is somewhat related to choosing the right moment to talk to her.

When she posts a story, this is only up for 24 hours so make sure you take that window of opportunity to speak with her. Say a pick-up line, compliment her, be creative with what you’re going to say! [Read: How to get a girl to like you – 20 things you MUST know about girls]

15. Find a common interest

If you really want to avoid being seen as a creepy stranger who’s secretly stalking her, find out which things you have in common. Asides from trying to find this out by stalking her, you could also ask her directly. Especially if one of her recent posts or stories was about something you also happen to like, take that chance!

For example, if they posted a story watching the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy and you also love that show, send a message her way! You can say something like, “Hey, I love that show too! And that part where… *insert awesome part of show* was just so intense…!” and take the conversation from there. It’s a great ice breaker once you find something in common.

16. Don’t use a dull conversation starter

Look, the thing is that girls are so used to getting all kinds of messages from guys, both creepy and non-creepy ones. So you need to up your game and make your approach different and unique. Find a creative way to start a conversation as that’s how to slide into a girl’s DM on Instagram.

When you use your creativity, she’ll always remember you as that one guy who used a unique approach to talk to her. Trust us; she won’t forget you. That’s the goal, right? [Read: Drawing a blank? Try these 25 good conversation starters!]

17. Don’t be rude

Compliments work wonders in grabbing a girl’s attention. It doesn’t matter what type of compliment it is, as long as it’s genuine and honest. The important thing is you can’t be rude, unless you want to push her away!

Since this is Instagram, use that to your advantage and compliment her when she posts a pretty story of herself or when she posts on her feed. Remember that it’s all about timing when it comes to knowing how to DM a girl on Instagram.

[Read: The best compliments for girls – 25 genuine lines she’ll love to hear]

DMing a girl on Instagram – What you need to remember

There’s no denying that sliding into a girl’s DMs makes everything ten times easier. And you have access to so many girls you’d probably never have in person.

But you’re not alone here. And many other guys are probably thinking the same thing as well! So as awesome as you are, you need to be prepared to be rejected without even an answer. As long as you’ve built a rapport with her and let her know you exist, either with your witty comments or reactions to her stories, there’s a pretty good chance she will notice you and look forward to connecting with you as well!

But most importantly, you can’t sit back and relax once you’ve slid into her DMs. The next step is to move it to voice calls and then meeting up in person. Don’t hide behind your phone because that would take you nowhere! [Read: How to ask a girl out on a date – 15 Ideas to inspire creativity]

It’s also important to remember to always be yourself. It’s very easy to try and be someone else when you’re trying to DM a girl, because it’s easy to create any character you want. However, when you do end up meeting up, she’s going to notice. Just be yourself.

Seriously. That’s the most important piece of advice we can give.

If you get the opportunity to speak to her in person, just go for it. You get to show who you really are and it shows confidence! While social media is pretty wonderful, sometimes the old-fashioned ways really are better. Even though they are a little more terrifying!

Remember, when it comes to mastering how to slide into a girl’s DMS, we speak from experience. Put some thought into it guys, and we’re more likely to respond!

So, how to DM a girl?

There is no magic phrase you can say to make a girl like you or DM you back, but there are some things that you can say to ensure she finds you interesting enough to respond, and hopefully meet and date in real life!

[Read: How to start a text conversation with a girl – 15 rules to impress]

If you want to know how to DM a girl right, and make her want to meet you in real life, use these tips and steps for sliding into a girl’s DMs on Instagram to your advantage. And you’ll definitely impress her, and hopefully, land a date with her real soon!

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What should I say when I DM A Girl?

How to DM a girl on Instagram without being creepy?