How to answer what are you looking for on a dating site Reddit

Hi, I (31F) got out of a longterm relationship and finally ready to get back to the dating pool. After matching with a few people I got this question multiple times. Sometimes after a generous amount of text exchanges and sometimes the third thing they say.

I'm wondering how other people feel about this? And how to best answer this?

I want a longterm relationship that would lead to marriage but this is not something to discuss the in the first few texts.

Any advice would be helpful, I always screw this one up and they unmatch me.

Why do men on Bumble always ask a version of this question? What types of answers are you expecting?

I don't understand what the possible options are, how am I supposed to answer? Everytime someone asks me this I think to myself "it's a dating app, isn't it obvious?"

Someone help me out please, this question is killing my conversations :/

Hello,

I'm a 26 years old guy looking for a serious relationship and I don't know how to answer to this question: 'What are you looking for?'. Usually, I say that "I'm meeting people and see how it goes" but I don't know, sometimes I just want to tell the girl that I'm looking for something serious but I don't want to make her afraid.

When your date asks you this question, how do you usually reply? When you ask this, what's the typical response?

I always say “Meet new people. Have a chill time around. And then see where things go”. But I always get ghosted after that. Is something wrong with this? Btw I do mean this ans

Edit: Highest priority for me is quality relationship only. But if someone just wants hookup. I don’t really mind that.

Edit2: Thanks for all the advice guys. I have understood that I need to man up. Be clear and straight forward with my expectations. I can’t just hope that things fall into the right place. I have to take the charge. On a side note, I feel one should have this attitude with almost every situation in his or her life. Big eye opener. Again, Thanks alot people. I love reddit for this particular reason, how honest everyone is with each and everyone. No matter how harsh the truth might be.

Edit3: Thanks to all your advice. I did manage to secure the date with the girl who actually asked me this question. (Yes, she did reply to me when I replied with "Meet new people..." answer 😂)

Occasionally I get the 'what are you looking for?' question during a date. The thing is, I don't really have something in particular that I am looking for. It's not that I don't know what I want, its more like I am open for multiple things.

So I would say something along the line. "I am not really searching for something, but I am definitely open for a serious relationship".

Depending on how they react I usually elaborate by saying that I have always been happy being single, so I don't really need someone to be happy. But I also say that I think someone in your life can add a lot of value. So I do want to date to meet new people and just see where it goes from there.

Is this a good answer or would you be turned of by it? I can imagine I am scaring away the people that are looking for a relationship, because they might think I would not be serious about it. And I can also imagine I am scaring away the people that are just looking for something casual as they believe I maybe rather want a relationship.

Its good to know that I never had a relationship (neither casual or serious) and am fairly new to dating, so this could explain why I am still exploring. Heck, some of the more detailed questions I would not even be able to answer (like do you want things to go fast or slow? I wouldn't know)

So bottom line, should I change my answer or is it fine like this?

p.s. I know the phrase 'fake it till you make it', but I see myself as a honest person so I don't want to lie to someone. When I know someone is only looking for something serious and I don't see long term potential, I will break it off.

edit: Thanks for the many comments on my post, all answers have been very valuable to me. I will rephrase my answer to "I am looking for a serious relationship, but I also like to date to meet new people which I connect with on a different level (stays friendly/platonic/casual)". I think that is a better decription of who I am.

I always tell them that I “just want to go with the flow, whatever happens naturally”, or that I’m not looking for anything specific.

However - I do not want to come across like I don’t value the other persons time, or that I am only looking for hookups. That simply isn’t true.

I just don’t like answering these questions until after I’ve met them in person! It seems too fast sometimes.

Would LOVE to hear about your experiences and advice below 👇🏼

Specifically, how do you answer this question if you’re looking for a relationship but don’t want to scare the person off or come accross as desperate ? But wanna make it know that you don’t do “casual” or “hookups”. This is often asked, or should be asked, before you meet up in person.