Why do i feel so uncomfortable in my skin

How would you describe the way you feel about your body?

When I ask women this question, the word that most often comes up is ‘uncomfortable’.

Most believe that the key to feeling comfortable in their body is changing what they don’t like about it.

BUT, attempts to change your body rarely result in feeling comfortable in the long term.

So, what does?

In this post, I’m lifting the lid on the REAL reason you feel uncomfortable in your body.

Plus, I’m sharing a process to pinpoint and clear the cause of your body discomfort.

Watch or read below:

Why do you feel uncomfortable in your body?

Believe it or not, the reason you feel uncomfortable in your body probably isn’t what you think.

Here are a few reasons women have told me they feel uncomfortable in their body:

•  My tummy is gross
•  My body looks horrible in clothes
•  I’m carrying too much weight
•  I feel so fat
•  I wish my thighs were smaller

They believe that their discomfort will go away if they can change the things they don’t like about their body.

But this isn’t the case. I’ve worked with clients who have lost weight or changed something about their appearance, only to find that they still felt uncomfortable.

What determines how you feel about your body

The real reason you feel uncomfortable in your body is the perception you have of it.  Not what your body physically looks like.  It’s the perception that determines the way you think, feel, and behave.

So, if you believe your tummy is gross and unacceptable, you’ll have negative thoughts about it, experience body shame and will try to hide it.

And that perception is heavily influenced by external factors like culture & media, family, friends, and life experiences. So, much of what you believe about your body doesn’t come from you. Which also means your perception may be far from reality!

The inner child & body image

When I work with a client, it doesn’t take long to pinpoint the root cause of that perception – the real reason they feel uncomfortable in their body.

And what might surprise you, is that 9 times out of 10, the perception of their body is based on ONE incident that happened in childhood.

It might have happened anytime between the age of 6 and 16, but they have experienced something that created a negative belief about their body that persists into adulthood.

Often the incident has been forgotten on a conscious level, but it’s alive and well on a subconscious level, driving the way she feels day in and day out about her body.

This can be a real lightbulb moment for clients. They’re often shocked and sad to discover that a hurt, little girl is dictating the way they feel about their body.

Here are some childhood incidents clients have uncovered that have led them to feel uncomfortable in their body.

Being..

•  Called a ‘fairy elephant’ in a school gym class
•  Humiliated when a school uniform didn’t fit
•  Shamed for having a tummy
•  Teased at ballet for being bigger than the other girls

Each of these incidents created a belief that their body wasn’t ‘good enough’.

Is your inner child uncomfortable in your body?

As a child, it’s difficult to rationalise events where you feel hurt or rejected. It’s hard to look at them in an objective way and gain perspective on them. So, the meaning attributed to the incidents is exaggerated and distorted.

This means that the beliefs formed often go unchallenged and can remain throughout your life unless you shine a light on them.

It’s as if you’re carrying around an upset little girl who wants to protect herself from this kind of incident happening ever again.

So, if you’ve been feeling uncomfortable in your body for a long time, perhaps it’s time to understand where your perception of your body came from in the first place.

Identifying your childhood beliefs about your body

Ask yourself, when do I first remember feeling uncomfortable in my body?

What was happening at the time?

What was the belief that I formed about my body as a result?

I’m sure that you’ll find something from your childhood that’s carried over into your adult life.

With this awareness, it’s time to start challenging what you believe about your body. A great way to do this is to ask:

What would my adult self say to comfort and reassure the younger version of me who felt hurt/rejected/ashamed when this incident happened?

Doing this work will help you clear out the old, unhelpful beliefs that are holding you back and make way for new empowering beliefs – ones that are healthier and more balanced.

If you need some help to identify the real reason you feel uncomfortable in your body, this is something we explore in my FREE Body Confidence Break-Through Session. This session will help you get clear on the #1 thing blocking your body confidence and how you can clear it. 

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

From the time I was a little girl, people told me I was pretty, but I never believed them. Instead, I scrutinized myself in the mirror searching for ways to look better, not realizing that what I was really looking for was a way to be me and feel good about myself.

As I focused even more on my looks throughout my twenties, I became increasingly self-conscious and dependent on how others perceived me. If someone complimented me and gave me attention, I would feel confident, but if I went unflattered or unnoticed, I would return to the mirror in an effort to figure out why.

I had often heard the expression “what you are inside shows on your face.” However, I didn’t know what these words truly meant until one day at the age of thirty-five.

That day, I took another long look in the mirror and suddenly something clicked: My looks were not the problem—they never were.

Somehow I understood that what I didn’t like about my face had nothing to do with my physical features. It was something else, something within myself that was reflecting out and causing me to feel unattractive, ill at ease, and unconfident.

At that moment I knew there were two things I needed to do. The first was to stop staring in the mirror. The second was to look at what was going on inside.

A friend recommended meditation, so I gave that a try. I sat, breathed, quieted my thoughts, and shared my feelings in a nine-hour course, which I followed with a two-day silent meditation retreat.

It’s possible that a silent retreat may not be for everyone, but it was one of the most valuable experiences of my life. The two days forced me to meditate, reflect, and “be” with myself in an environment that did not permit social interaction, not even eye contact.

There were also no distractions, such as telephone, TV, books, or computers.

Was the experience disagreeable? Initially, yes. Was it painful? Sometimes, but it allowed me to bring forth a lot of valuable self-information and one remarkable realization: I became conscious of how unnatural I felt.

In the time I was there, I recognized that I was not uncomfortable in that setting because I didn’t know how to be with myself. I was uncomfortable because I didn’t know how to be myself.

This was also why I often felt unattractive and ill at ease with others.

I was frequently projecting someone who didn’t feel “like me,” and that projection habitually depended on who I was interacting with.

It was this realization that launched my journey to authenticity and the discovery of a beautiful me.

Slowly, I started to learn about myself and the things that make me happy, and I found that I had a rhythm. I could hardly believe it, but I actually had my own beautiful flow, and as soon as I began to follow it my authenticity started to build on itself.

I gradually began to feel less self-conscious around others and much more comfortable with myself.

For the first time in my life I started to feel well and beautiful—and it showed. I saw it in the mirror. My husband noticed it in my body language. He said I carried myself differently, like I had more confidence and ease.

Of course, many practices assisted me in my journey, but the ones that helped the most are the ones that keep me grounded in myself today.

If you’re also looking to feel more at ease with yourself, I recommend:

Honor your body

I can never say enough about how important it is to celebrate my body. Every day I thank it for all that it does, and honor its needs through thirty-minute runs, long showers, flossing my teeth, and drinking lots of water.

Make a list of the things you need to do to take care of yourself so you feel healthy and grounded, and then schedule them into your day. It’s easier to feel good about who you are when you make your needs priorities.

Maintain a healthy, positive mind

Along with running, creative writing has contributed greatly to my journey. It keeps my mind filled with positive thoughts, and so much of who I am comes out in the characters I write about.

I also love to read, learn new things, and travel to different places, even if just new areas or neighborhoods near my home.

What practices make you feel passionate and positive about the way you’re living your life? Doing what you love is an important step in loving who you are.

Maintain a happy, healthy spirit

Without inner peace, authenticity is fleeting. Consequently, I meditate daily and do my best to live where peace is found—in the present moment. I also make a point of watching a couple of funny movies every week.

Nothing helps my spirit soar as much as laughter. It helps me see the world through younger eyes and reminds me that, no matter what, every moment contains hope and possibilities.

Take time out to nurture your spirit, whether that means practicing yoga, walking on the beach, or simply relaxing. In order to be comfortable with yourself, you first need to be comfortable just being.

And always keep in mind…

Finding your authenticity—finding yourself—will help you feel your beauty. When you endeavor to be who you are and be true to yourself, you will automatically feel attractive and unique.

Also, it is important to remind yourself that beauty is never dependent upon the approval of others. Quite the contrary, beauty is very much self-defined and self-created. The only person who can ever truthfully tell you “you are beautiful” is also the only person who can “make you beautiful.”

You are the only person who can do this.

The power to be beautiful lies not in the eyes of others. It comes from deep within you.

You are beautiful image via Shutterstock

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