“I can’t stop thinking about my ex!” You are not going crazy. I repeat, you are NOT going crazy. Show “A heartbroken person is unlike any other person. Their time moves at a completely different pace than ours. It’s this mental, physical, emotional ache and feeling so conflicted. Nothing distracts you from it. Then time passes, and the more you live your life and create new habits, you get used to not having a text message every morning saying, ‘Hello, beautiful. Good morning.’ You get used to not calling someone at night to tell them how your day was.” – Taylor Swift It’s totally normal to be ex addicted, even after months have passed (it once took me two years to get off the “I can’t stop thinking about my ex,” train). After a breakup, your ex becomes the default setting that you mentally and emotionally go to no matter what happens. Whether you’re trying to get back out there and date or just staying single for the time being – you’re unhappy and in a constant state of pain, anxiety, and rehashing. Everyone you meet is a highlighter (they do nothing more than highlight the absence of your ex), and it sucks. There are no erasers in sight. Thinking back to when I’ve found myself in the “I can’t stop thinking about my ex”… I realize now that a lot of the certainty I felt in the fact that I’d never find anyone like my ex and that I’d never be happy again, was grossly over-exaggerated. It was nothing even close to factual and heavily convoluted by the fog of my desperation and nonexistent self-esteem. All I wanted to do was reach indifference. As Elie Wiesel says, “hate is not the opposite of love.” Deep-seated emotion is still involved with hate. Indifference is the holy grail because indifference is basically not giving a sh*t either way. It’s being healthily emotionless. Indifference is not about wishing someone well or ill – it’s about no longer giving a sh*t. Doesn’t THAT sound nice? When you’re indifferent, you are at peace with the toxic relationship that was. This is why when we reach authentic indifference, many exes come shamelessly (or passively), come crawling back. We are all energetic beings and the second that someone can sense our indifference as genuine (and not as a means to elicit a reaction/drama), they panic because they know right then, that they are no longer in control and that you are no longer a bench-warming option. Human nature 101: people ALWAYS want what they can’t have/let slip away. This is true even if you’re not in communication with your ex. Energy always transcends conventional communication because energy is our only way of truly communicating. I remember a few months after a really bad breakup, I was still in “I can’t stop thinking about my ex” mode. It was bad. Fast forward to a year later, it hit me one day that I hadn’t been thinking about him, AT ALL. And I was okay with it. My addiction was gone and I was finally clean. Is there really a way to deprogram “I can’t stop thinking about my ex” mode?Is there anything you can do to speed up your recovery time and end the ex addiction so that you don’t waste another year (or more) that you’ll never get back? How do you get clean once and for all? How To Stop Thinking About An Ex? Here’s What You Need To Do:Understand that you’re a junky. Yes, you’re an addict and the first step to recovery is acknowledgment. Denial is a dangerous place to reside and it goes hand-in-hand with delusion. If you can’t stop stalking his social media, that’s okay. I’m not asking you to stop (impossible, I know). I’m asking you to be real with yourself as far as your ex addiction goes. That’s the first step. If it’s an emotionally unavailable ex that has you on “I can’t stop thinking about my ex” mode, you need to understand:
How long does it take to get clean?It’s different for everyone. Pain is pain and trauma is trauma. It’s all dependent on your triggers and issues. For me, it used to take a really long time to get off of “I can’t stop thinking about my ex” mode. The points above did not immediately rid me of my ex addiction but they significantly increased my ability to bounce back and ultimately, become indifferent. They made me more aware – of myself and my ex. Make the decision with me now to stop putting your life on hold over the hope that one day the cat will bark. Cats meow. If you’re stuck on waiting for him to meow, FINE, but why not focus on bettering yourself in the meantime? Poke a hole in your imagination boat, take him off that pedestal, retire your role as the doormat, and feel every ounce of your pain because it is yours and it WILL eventually pass. If you feel like you’ve given up on your Happily Ever After, that’s just because you’ve chosen to give up on yourself. I’m not giving up on you nor is everyone else in this tribe. You are not alone. Sometimes all it takes is just for one person to believe in us. Do you want to get clean fast? Keep the above in mind & work at it every day by being an active participant in your healing. This is why they say recovery from addiction is a decision away. It’s hard, but the decision is yours and yours alone. Take my hand and let’s do this together. x Natasha + If you can’t stop thinking about my ex and need further and more personalized help with your breakup, please look into working with me here. |