TAMBOV REGION, RUSSIA - JUNE 17, 2019: A nurse and an elderly woman view a photo album at a nursing ... [+] home for the elderly and the disabled in the village of Sosnovka. Alexander Ryumin/TASS (Photo by Alexander Ryumin\TASS via Getty Images)
Alexander Ryumin/TASSThe creeping prevalence of aging societies isn’t just a challenge for national governments, policymakers, and healthcare providers to solve. It affects everyone who has, or will have, an elder family member or loved one in their lives—and everyone lucky enough to grow old themselves.
Remaining in good health as an older adult requires much more than what medication and treatment alone have to offer. Below are ten pieces of advice, and some accompanying resources, for those who want their loved ones to age as comfortably, independently, and vibrantly as possible.
1. Keep care at home if possible. Try to find care providers who are willing to provide care for your loved one outside a hospital setting and in the home. For some care providers this may mean home visits, for others it could mean telehealth appointments.
Resources: AARP offers plenty of resources for older adults and their loved ones who are seeking home care options. Check out their caregiving checklists for home safety and choosing an in home care agency. You can find a full listing of AARP caregiving checklists here.
2. Coordinate your care. Try to coordinate services among all those providing care for your loved one—both formal and informal. This means everyone from the primary care physician to the person who may come in once a week to clean the house.
Resources: Resources for Integrated Care offers a number of webinars on care coordination for older adults. Also helpful is the issue brief on care coordination published by the Eldercare Workforce Alliance last year, which summarizes emerging challenges and opportunities for coordinating elder care services.
3. Make care regimens person centered. Encourage your loved one to make their own decisions about the type of care they receive and when and where they would like to receive it.
Resources: Once you know more about what your loved one wants and needs, use the Community Resource Finder to learn more about what resources are available to you nearby.
4. Enable social inclusion. Create opportunities for your loved one to play an active role in your family and in your community. Isolation can be a major cause of emotional distress for older people.
Resources: This article, penned recently for US News and World Report, features opportunities for seniors to continue working socially fulfilling jobs beyond retirement. Vive Health has also compiled a list of 110 activities for engaging older adults.
5. Stay up to date on the latest technology. Keep abreast of new technologies that can improve every aspect of care your loved one receives. These may be as simple as FaceTime appointments with your doctor, or as advanced as safety monitoring systems connected to a coordinated care network.
Resources: Read Paying for Senior Care’s Wiki style article on home care technology. SeniorLiving.org has also published a deep dive into “Technology for Seniors and the Elderly.” For specific examples of up and coming elder care technologies, check out Comfort Keeper’s favorites from CES 2019.
6. Investigate your insurance options. Explore long term care insurance options in detail and find the one that is right for your situation.
Resources: The National Institute on Aging has compiled a comprehensive guide to paying for long term care that includes a cost of care calculator. More guidance is available at SeniorLiving.org, where their yearly list of best long term care providers can also be found.
7. Take care of the caregivers. Recognize the challenges inherent in caring for a loved one in need and make use of any resources available to you in these efforts. This may include online support networks, opportunities to spend time away from your loved one, or rejuvenatory activities to help relieve stress and tension.
Resources: USA.gov maintains a long list of resources available to caregivers. So does CaregiverStress.com.
8. Learn and practice mindful communication. Don't be afraid to have what can be a tough conversation about end of life care with your loved one. Make use of the tools and resources available online to talk with your loved one about the kind of treatment they receive and where they would like to receive it.
Resources: Browse the toolkits created by The Conversation Project, an initiative “dedicated to helping people talk about their wishes for end-of-life care.”
9. Educate yourself. Try to keep up to date with the latest innovations in elder care and best practices in long term care.
Resources: Explore the list of educational resources for older adults and their caregivers collated by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. For best practices, consult the intervention summaries—complete with information that “can be readily disseminated and replicated at the community level”—published by the Administration for Community Living. The Aging Life Care Association offers consumer resources organized by category, as does the National Council on Aging.
The new Best Practice Caregiving database, designed specifically for those who take care of individuals living with dementia, vets and provides comprehensive information on active dementia programs.
10. Create a safe environment. Make sure the environment in which your loved one lives encourages their independence and autonomy, mitigates and risk of injury or harm, and feels like a personalized home environment.
Resources: Print out the Alzheimer Association’s Home Safety Checklist. Look to The Green House Project, leaders of the small home movement, for inspiration.
Do you know a difficult older adult in your life? We live in a society where the post-World War II Baby Boomer Generation (born 1946-1964) is reaching their senior years in ever-growing numbers, and representing an increasingly larger segment of the population. Higher standards of living and medical advancements are extending life expectancies in many countries to well above the age of eighty.
Caring for, and having successful relationships with older adults often requires unique communication skills and strategies. Below are a few tips for successful communication with seniors. Not all of these ideas may apply to your particular situation or the older adult(s) involved. Simply use what works and discard the rest. For in-depth information on successful communication with difficult and resistant seniors, see my book, How to Communicate Effectively With Seniors.
1. Exercise Patience and Compassion
It goes without saying that patience and compassion are often needed when dealing with the elderly. Physical challenges, slow movement, forgetfulness, neediness, and apathy are just some of the behaviors you might encounter. Sometimes it’s easy to lose patience and become frustrated. One might even be tempted to give up and walk away.
During these moments, it’s very helpful to put yourself in the senior’s shoes, even for just a moment. Consider the older adult you’re dealing with, and complete the sentence: “It must not be easy…” or “It must be hard…” For example:
“She’s being so apathetic. It must not be easy to live without her friends around.”
“He does everything so slowly. It must be hard to deal with arthritis every day.”
Having empathy for the older adult is an effective way to generate more patience and compassion. If, despite your best efforts, your patience still runs thin, take a time out from the older adult if possible. Come back when you’re in a calmer state of mind.
2. Ask Instead of Order
As mentioned in an earlier section, one of the core needs of many seniors is to feel relevant and respected. You can help validate these needs by frequently asking instead of ordering when communicating with the older adult. For example:
Instead of: “You’re having soup for lunch today.”
Say: “Would you like to have some soup for lunch?” or
“We’re having soup for lunch today, okay?”
Better yet, offer options: “Would you like to have soup or salad for lunch today?”
Asking questions offers the senior a greater sense of respect and regard. Offering options gives her or him a greater sense of control of the immediate environment.
With less cognizant and physically able seniors, ask and follow up without necessarily waiting for an answer. Let them feel they’re part of the decision-making process and have a degree of control over some aspects of their lives.
3. Ask Instead of Assume
Similarly, ask questions instead of making assumptions when it comes to your actions in relation to the older adult. For example, instead of turning the lights off in the senior’s room without asking, say, “I’m going to turn off the lights for you, okay?” If the senior protests, let her have her way if it’s harmless. Otherwise, explain why it’s important for you to do what you need to do (in most cases for the sake of senior’s health and well-being).
4. Use “I” instead of “You” Language
We know from the study of effective communication that people (including many older adults) generally don’t respond well when they feel like they’re constantly being ordered what to do. Such “bossy” language is often manifested in the use of “you” statements, followed by a directive. For example:
“You must exercise today!”
“You have to take your medicine!”
“You should air out your room!”
“You need to finish your soup!”
“You better not miss the doctor’s appointment!”
When people feel like they’re being bossed around on a regular basis, they’re more likely going to respond with what psychologists call the “three Fs — fight, flight, and freeze," leading to behavioral problems such as argument, avoidance, or stonewalling.
Instead, use statements that begin with “I,” “It,” “We,” “Let’s,” and “This,” to convey messages. For example:
“I will help you exercise today.”
“It’s important to take your medicine.”
“We need to get some fresh air into the room.”
“Let’s finish your soup, okay?”
“This doctor’s appointment is very important.”
These types of statements compel the older adult to be more open to what you have to say, encourage listening, and reduce the possibility of fight, flight, or freeze responses.
5. Offer Choices Whenever Possible
Many older adults desire to maintain a sense of independence. This may be especially important when seniors feel their physical and cognitive limitations, but still desire ways to maintain some level of local control in their lives.
Whenever possible and appropriate, offer an older adult choice when interacting with her or him. This can be something as simple as asking whether the senior would like to have choice A or choice B for lunch. Having the ability to exercise choice can provide the older adult a greater sense of confidence, esteem, and security, as the senior feels the power to be proactive in life.
6. Set Consequences
The ability to identify and assert consequence(s) is one of the most important skills we can use to "stand down" a difficult person. Effectively articulated, consequence gives pause to the challenging senior and compels her or him to shift from obstruction to cooperation. In my book How to Communicate Effectively With Seniors, consequences are presented as seven different types of power you can utilize to affect positive change.
In conclusion, to know how to handle unreasonable and difficult people is to truly master the art of communication. As you utilize these skills, you may experience less grief, greater confidence, better relationships, and higher communication prowess. You are on your way to leadership success!
©2014 by Preston C. Ni. All rights reserved worldwide. Copyright violation may subject the violator to legal prosecution.